


Snap Detective Agency

by ConfusedGoatee_01



Category: Zootopia (2016)
Genre: Detective Noir, Gen, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Optimism, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-28
Updated: 2018-08-28
Packaged: 2019-07-03 23:06:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15828783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ConfusedGoatee_01/pseuds/ConfusedGoatee_01
Summary: Get ready Zootopia, there's a new rabbit Detective on the block! Ginger Snap, former prostitute turned Private Investigator, handles the most sensitive cases with the eternal optimism of someone who should have been boiled harder. Follow the doe as she delves into the dark underbelly of Zootopia with eternal optimism.





	Snap Detective Agency

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Zootopia, Disney or any of its characters.
> 
> Criticism always welcome!
> 
>  
> 
> Note: This is my Ginger Snap story. Prepare for the happiest detective noir story I can possibly write! With that being said, it's a silly piece of work. Enjoy!

       It was a dark and stormy night...actually it was noon and the sun was shining down, but that doesn’t make good monologuing.

Aaaaannnnnyyyywwwaaaayyy!

I was lounging in the living room, eating a bowl of Lucky Chomps and watching the Saturday morning lineup, when someone knocked on the door. It was a loud, booming knock that I paid no attention to at all. Sure it hurt my ears, but like, so does Saffron’s roars when Jezz breaks out the wax. I shouldn’t _know_ when they do that, but they are **_Just So Loud!_ ** Come on gals, some common decency for everyone living in the house!

“Ginger!” Cherry exclaimed exasperatedly, “ ** _Please_** remember to put clothes on!” The red Fox’s ears were pinned as she pinched her brow. It wasn’t like I **_wanted_** to forget to put clothes on in the common areas, but come on! Only fur is **_so_** much more comfortable. She sighed, “You have a **_client_**.”

I frowned at her emphasis on “Client.” There definitely weren’t any former John’s that knew the location of the Frostbite Way house. Even when I needed to scratch **_that_ ** itch, I did it at whoever’s place. “What client?”

Cherry rolled her eyes and a paw, “For this whole… **_detective_ ** thing.”

I stared blankly at the vulpine. _“Detective thing… What does she- Oh!”_

“Oh!” I shouted excitedly, jumping off the couch with my half eaten lunch in paw, “I gotta meet ‘em!” Before I could take, like two steps, Cherry already cut me off.

“Nooope!” she interjected, both paws in front of her, “ He’s already in the hallway, and I’m **_not_ ** having a stranger think we run around here naked!” The vixen pointed a clawed digit at me and narrowed her eyes, “Wait. Here.”

Cherry disappeared in a flash!...Or maybe I stopped paying attention. Either way I finished off my bowl of sugary goodness, and drained the bowl of almond milk. There was a creak of a floorboard, and my detective instincts kicked in. Of course by that I mean I spooked and dropped the bowl on the floor with a surprised “Eep!” Bunny instincts then took over and I jumped back onto the couch.

“I’m terribly sorry. I couldn’t- ** _Oh My Goodness_** **_you’re naked_**!?”

A sandy colored wombat in a very expensive suit, possibly Hugo Voles but I’d need to see his watch to confirm, was looking away and covering his eyes. He was blushing **_sooo_ ** adorably, even though he looked like one of those males who paid extra to do weird things to my ears. What was up with that? Males are weird.

“Hey Cherry already yelled at me for that!” I retorted, crossing my arms and trying to look pretty upset at this guy, “No reason for you too as well Mister Nice Suit!”

“Wha? What are you-”

“I told you to wait in the **_hallway_**!” Cherry shouted, pushing past the wombat and then pushing him back through the doorway. “Now stay!” She turned back to me with that look she gets when I- **_I Mean_** **_Someone_** keeps using her shampoo and not refilling it. It’s a scrunched look with her ears back and tail flicking out behind her. “This is what I was **_trying_** to avoid!”

I shrug, “I didn’t let him in.”

Cherry looked like she’s was going to say something, but then stops and sighed heavily. Like **_REALLY_ ** heavy! Like this one time I sighed that heavy because Snarlbuck didn’t have anymore mango banana mix. I told them I could wait to blend them, but they were like “No it’s a mix, we don’t have the fruit here.” That didn’t make much sense to me because there were bananas _right_ there, but that rude Weasel kept saying she couldn’t do anything! It ruined my whole day and then I didn’t feel rejuvenated after Yoga an-

Something smacked in face. I immediately recognized it after a few seconds that it was the thin, yellow and black robe Cherry liked to wear around the house. I once called it the “Honey Bee attractor,” but no one liked that name and Cherry seemed kinda mad at me. I figured the names too long and that’s why.

“Put this on,” muttered the vixen, “and then get this pervert out of here.”

“Ok thanks!” I replied. It was really nice for Cherry lend it to me. She turned away and I guess went to go get coffee because she looked tired all of a sudden. I jumped back off the couch and headed to the hallway with the robe on. A quick peek around the corner, and I saw Mister nice suit still standing there **_definitely_** embarrassed. “Hey there!” I called with a wave, “let’s talk!”

The marsupial started hesitantly, still glancing at me like I was about to flash him. In all fairness I **_did_ ** pretty much just do that, but that was **_past_ ** Ginger not **_now_ ** Ginger. His paws fiddled nervously as he stepped closer, gaze looking at anything but me. “I-I do apologize about earlier,” muttered the wombat, “I-I-I didn’t realize you were indecent and believed your maid was simply delaying our meeting!”

“Maid?” I repeated completely confused by the male, “I don’t have a maid. I mean there was Cherry, but she’s, like, landlordish really.”

“Oh my apologies!” started Mister nice suit with an aghast expression, “I just _assumed_ you _hired_ the Fox!” He chuckled nervously, his paws fiddling with his tie, “But, uh, where _are_ my manners?”

I shrug, “I dunno, but I don’t think I could find them anyway.” The wombat’s expression fell, and I **_really_ ** hoped he didn’t expect me to find his manners. How do you even **_begin_ ** to find that? I gesture to the couch and smile as big as smile as I can, and boy can I smile! “Why don’t you, like, tell me what’s up and I’ll see if I can help!”

Mister nice suit smiled as tight as his fancy pants, “Yes, let’s...”

* * *

                In all my weeks of being a detective, I never met someone **_Sooooooooooooooo bbbbbboooooooooorrrrrrrriiiiiiinnnnngggg_ ** ! I mean Mister nice suit droned on for what felt like hours! He told me his name, it’s like Chirpuski or Cerpuki, or something like that, but he kept going on and on and on! I did kinda got the gist of what he was saying somewhat. He’s rich, and that’s good. His daughter’s missing, and that’s bad. He didn’t go to the police because something something trust fund blah blah blah blah. I missed that part, but **_he_ ** did say he’d pay me five hundred dollars to find her.

Mister nice suit said I should start right away, but like being a detective is **_so_ ** tiring! After he left, still blushing for some reason, I decided to nap. What better time to nap than before you go out to find somebody or something like that? Of course as soon as I got comfy, the twins arrived home. I love those little lambs, like I really do, but they’re **_so loud_ ** when it comes to their “secret" talks about Mint’s “not-a-crush" crush on that Johann. I told her to kiss him already, but Minnie got all stuttery and Pep just stared daggers at me.

Instead of listening to them gossip about math equations, who **_does_ ** that, I slip into my running tights and decide to go for a jog. The only clean ones are the yellow pair Jezz got me, but they **_really_ ** don’t flatter my legs or go with the dark green run jacket I’m wearing. Still, I slip it on and slip out before Cherry can get me to pick up groceries or something boring like that.

The Tundra Town day was nice and sunny, the perfect day for a run! It isn’t until I’m, like, two blocks away that I realize I **_totally_ ** forgot my ICarrot. How was I supposed to zone out if I couldn’t listen to my fave tunes? I pouted a bit, but then shrugged and started humming. Apparently it worked, because I was like two thirds the way through my route before a change in the norm snapped me out of my very chill mood.

There were a few Z.P.D. cruisers and a large white sedan blocked off the street.One of those police tape things I’ve seen on TV cut across the sidewalk. I mean, it was pretty high so I could have gone underneath, but these legs were in my way. They weren't **_just_ ** legs of course cause that would be **_weird_ ** . They were attached to a really tall male in a brown suit, or maybe he’s normal height? It’s hard to tell when your small who’s normal and who’s not. This male **_did_ ** have legs for days though, but what does that even **_mean_ ** ? Does it take him days to take a step, or like does he have separate pairs of legs for different days? I’m still new to this whole “detective" thing, but I’m **_pretty_ ** sure that’s illegal.

“Did you hear me ma’am?”

I blinked, apparently Mister legs had been talking or something like that. “Nope!” I respond honestly, because...well it’s true.

He sighed and shook his head, “This is a crime scene ma’am. You’re gonna have to go around.” Mister Legs has a nice baritone, like **_really_ ** soothing on my ears. It’s like the voice you expect to greet you when you walk into Wally-Mart. Real soothing. What confused me was his face was brown, but I **_did_ ** see black and white stripes on his arms and legs. Did this guy **_really_ ** have legs for days!?

Mister possible legs stealer continued to look at me, but I don’t know what he wanted. **_My_ ** legs wouldn't work for him! They were waaaaaayyyy too small. I glance away and through his legs. It looked like there was a body on the ground. Possibly Weasel, or something really thin, like makes me jealous thin. Definitely female. The black mini dress was a dead giveaway, but the glittery pink pawbag in her paw didn’t look like hers. The dress said “Mysterious stranger" while the bag screamed “Pay attention to **_meeeeee_ **!”

“Zirafa, what’s going on?” an impressively authoritative voice questioned. Mister legs turned and **_OH MY GOSH IT'S JUDY HOPPS!?!?!_ **

My grey doe idol looked at me with those **_dashing_** purple eyes like I was the only rabbit in the world. Then again I was the only other rabbit there...and maybe it was confusion.

“Yes I’m Detective Hopps. Can I help you with something?”

I gasped. Can she read my **_mind!?!?!?!?!?!_ **

The first bunny detective’s brow rose, “Uh no...You’re saying everything out loud.”

I snap my snout shut and clasp both paws over my mouth. If I could **_die_ ** from embarrassment, I would! Me, the second rabbit detective, making a fool of myself in front of the **_first_ ** ! “I’m sorry!” I squeak out, “It’s just so nice to **_finally_ ** meet you! I mean you’re **_amazing_ ** and I wanted to be a **_detective_ ** like **_you_ ** and **_that’s_ ** why I decided to be one!”

The perfect specimen of lapine form cocked her head to the side, “You _decided_ to be a detective?”

“Yep!” I answered proudly, placing my paws on my hips, “I’m Ginger Snap, pea eye extraordinaire of Snap Detective Agency!”

“Who?” questioned Mister suspicious legs.

“I **_just_ ** said it Mister legs!” I groaned, because I hate it when mammals don’t listen. My ears are big, but so are his!

“I think,” started the most perfect doe, “what my partner meant was neither of us had heard that the Z.P.D. approved a Private Investigator who’s a rabbit.” She paused oh so beautifully and pointed a pristine claw in my direction, “You **_are_ ** registered...correct?”

I shrugged, “I’m vaccinated.”

The amazing rabbit before me ran a pretty paw down her face with a groan. “You can’t just _call_ yourself a detective,” started the spectacular Judy Hopps, “You have to go through the Z.P.D. registration process. This includes a written, oral and field examination. **_Please_ ** tell me you haven’t been a part of any official investigations!”

I cock my head in confusion, “Like Nick Wilde in the Nighthowler case?” I’m pretty sure I messed up, because Mister I’m convinced steals legs was chuckling and the best detective ever Judy Hopps’ ears pinned back and her cheeks turned red. “Sorry,” I apologized, feeling **_really_** **_bad_** for embarrassing her, “Sometimes I say the wrong thing…”

“No, you’re fine,” sighed my idol, which made it not sound fine, “You’re right too. I shouldn't have involved Nick in the investigation, and you shouldn't involve yourself in any as well.” She smiled and walked forward, placing a paw on my shoulder, “That is **_until_ ** you’re a registered detective.”

My idol continued to talk, but I couldn't hear her. She was touching **_my_ ** shoulder! **_Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!?!_ ** I’m never washing this shoulder or this jacket again! I tried to focus back on the grey angel, and I heard words like “Hard Work,” “Dedication,” and “Multiple Choice,” but that last one didn’t make sense. I nodded the entire time with the biggest smile possible, and could **_I_ ** smile. This was amazing! **_The_ ** Judy Hopps was giving me advice on being a detective! Now if only I could remember what she said…

“So I wish you the best of luck!” the greatest rabbit in the history of rabbits finished, still smiling and patted me twice on the shoulder. **_Twice_ **!

“Thank you **_so_ ** much!” I gushed, because, duh, Judy Hopps, “I’m totally gonna take your advice and work hard and dedicate myself!”

“That’s great!” replied the venus in grey. She pointed over her shoulder at the crime scene I **_definitely_ ** didn’t forget about. “I need to get back to work, but I wish you the best of luck.” 

“Right,” I replied emphatically, nodding my head so much that my ears flopped back and forth, “And so do I!” Mister possible serial leg stealer gave me a funny look, but like **_he’s_ ** the one with different legs for each day! Who’s the weird guy now!?

I strode away from the crime scene with a purpose. The incredible Judy Hopps said I needed hard work and dedication...and multiple choice too for some reason. Now I was gonna prove that I was dedicated and worked hard by solving my case! I was going to find Mister nice suit’s daughter and then figure it out from there!... **_That_ ** must have been the multiple choice!

“Silly Ginge,” I chuckle to myself with a shake of my head, “I gotta pay attention better!”

**Author's Note:**

> So like I said, this is supposed to be the happiest noir. Considering how angsty A Wolf's Song and Officers Watch chapters have been, I needed a lighter story to work on. It won't update regularly, but hopefully will always be this cheerful. This is also my first story in first person, so definitely let me know if I've made mistakes.


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